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  • Property-a-holics

    Tenants say the funniest things ....

    Complaints from tenants to the Housing Association:

    1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

    2. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

    3. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

    5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

    6. .... and their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

    7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof.I think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off.

    8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

    9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

    10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path.My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday, and she is now pregnant.

    11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen, 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.

    12. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

    13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

    14. Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

    15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

    16. I want to complain about the farm across the road; every morning at 6am his c*ock wakes me up, and its getting too much for me.

    17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.

    18. Our kitchen floor is damp.We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

    19. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat, and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

    20. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

    Thanks to my friend Wasim at Greenlight Mortgages for this fantastic list.

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    Hi Vanessa
    It put a smile on my face as well.
    Regards
    Wasim
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    we've had a real good chuckle at this! laughing is great. Thanks
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    Brilliant, No.15 has to be a Welshism, along the lines of Who's coat is that Jacket, hanging up on the floor! I have had plenty of people like this trying to explain over the telephone what's wrong with their boiler, its just cracks you up. Had a right good chuckle reading that, I was laughing so much Jan wanted to know what was so funny and read it too.
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    The above are very funny.
    John Corey
    Follow me on Twitter-> https://www.twitter.com/john_corey
    https://www.ChelseaPrivateEquity.com/blog
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    John Corey 


    I host the London Real Estate Meet on the 2nd Tuesday of every month since 2005. If you have never been before, email me for the 'new visitor' link.

    PropertyFortress.com/Events

    Also happy to chat on the phone. Pay It Forward; my way of giving back through sharing. Click on the link: PropertyFortress.com/Ask-John to book a time. I will call you at the time you selected. Nothing to buy. Just be prepared with your questions so we can use the 20 minutes wisely.

    As it is Friday and Andrew is looking for light hearted tenant stories, I thought I would revive this one for a bit of a giggle!
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    A recent one I have had it from an oriental tenant when talking about the condensation
    "Sally, every morning it rains on the inside"
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    I checked a tenant out of a property yesterday. He has lived there for the past two years, from new.
    The place was filthy, clumps of hair in the shower, dust everywhere and cat hairs, food splashes up the kitchen walls.
    Me: "This is not acceptable, I can't let this without a thorough clean"
    Him: "Well, I've lived in it for two years, what do you expect?"
    Me: "To clean it!"
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    I had a tenant who had built up large arrears of around £7k.
    Their circumstances meant we had been very forgiving till then but time had come to serve notice. She asked me to give her 24 hours to come up with a plan to which I agreed.
    She called me the next day to say it was all sorted; she had arranged a loan and I could have my money in 3 days - all of it!
    Fantastic I said.
    One small thing she said...
    I need a guarantor so will you be it?
    Let me get this right; you already owe me £7k and you want me to guarantee a loan to pay me back my own money?
    Yes she says, completely serious!
    Well it made me laugh that's for sure!
    I am pleased to report the arrears now stand at just £700 following a 12 month repayment plan so something else to make me smile!
    Lisa
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    Lisa All comments are for education and information purposes only and do not construe as advice or a financial promotion. No liability is accepted for comments made. If you wish to receive information in an advisory capacity then please contact me about becoming a client. www.keys-mortgages.com